Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
