dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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