just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
