Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
