remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
