We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
