It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
