Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
