I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
