i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
