I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
should my penis look like a turkey
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
