I should be sponsored by Trojan
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm bleeding and have questions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
