We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
