fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
