I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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