I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
