I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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