Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So apparently I’m into choking now
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