She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
