Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
