Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
