wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
