...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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