I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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