Soap is not a condiment
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
