i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
