Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
