I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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