I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she smelled like a LAN party
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
