Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I could fuck to npr.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
