Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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