we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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