when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
time to smoke my breakfast
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
