I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
