im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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