Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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