i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
