His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
