There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
