you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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