i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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