Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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