so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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