FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
