GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
