Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
