It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
