I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
