Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
