I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
