i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
